I was reading a friends' blog about things that her guest blogger has learned since being married and it got me thinking....in the past (over) 5 years what have I learned? Surely I cannot be the same girl I was then right?
Right.... the list is as follows:
Live Within Your Means:
I read somewhere that the aforementioned was the leading cause of divorce. I could see that. The stress of upcoming bills you cannot pay can devastate your soul, not to mention your marriage. We lucked out and learned this one early on, but so many couples fall into that trap. The same can be said for high debt to income ratios; 'we'll buy today, pay tomorrow' never works out. Its better to go without and have peace in your heart (and relationship).
Your Relationship Is A Day To Day Effort:
Just becasue things were perfect yesterday doesn't mean they will be today. Constantly making an effort is a pre-requisite. Some days things will be perfect- you finish each other's sentences. And then other days you couldnt be more opposite if you tried- he's from Mars, you're from Venus. And thats ok. Some days you REALLY work on your relationship; it can't be taken for granted. And its important to remember its those differences that attracted you in the first place, like a pair of magnets.
Its Ok To Fight:
I come from a house where my parents always got along (I'm sure there was fighting behind closed doors- but I never witnessed any) so I figured marraige was a walk in the park. Whats to know right? You love each other you will always be happy and never have bad times, etc.....
Boy was I stupid when I got married! Needless to say the first 'fight' we ever had I was devastated and locked myself in our room bawling. I was convinced it was over; we were divorcing. When I finally let my new husband (who comes from divorced parents) back into our room and expressed why I was so upset, the inevitable divorce, he laughed so hard I thought he'd gone mad. Then he said something I have never forgotten: "Its not the fighting that determines the fate of our marriage, its the work we put into our marriage after the fight." Pretty profound for a 22 year old kid....
Trust Your Partner:
Without trust there can be no love. Its pretty simple. But very hard at times to do.
And Last:
This is actually not mine, I cannot take credit for such wisdom.
This was told to me at our reception, I didn't understand it then but I sure do now and when asked for marriage advice this is what I say...
'Both partners need to go in with the mentality that they, individually, will do 100% of the work'
For example,
'I will try my very hardest everyday to make sure that my actions make life run smoother for my partner. He will have clean clothes to wear, food to eat, a clean house to live in, children who are well taken care of'' etc.
Many couples think, 'there are two of us, you do 50% of the chores, I will do 50% of the chores.' But what ends up happening is one or the other inevitably falls short and things are left unfinished and resentment and anger build in the other partner who ends up having to pick up the slack.
Whereas if both individuals do 100% of the chores as a given, everything gets done and no one is angry or resentful.
In another 5 years I wonder what else I will have learned?!
Though time may change, style may change, and perspectives may change, the one thing that will not change is the way I feel for Ryan. That gets only stronger with time.
I love you babe!
